With Movember coming to an end, it is time to put the best mo’s (or staches, if you prefer) to the test. Think March Madness but with furry lips and waxed tips. The hope is that this tournament will help finally put an end to the never ending fight over who has the greatest mo while bringing increased awareness to men’s health, particularly prostate cancer. If you enjoy it, please donate a few shillings here: http://mobro.co/jeremylouden.
Before the tournament could come to a start, some ground rules had to be created. First, it was decided that 64 mo’s would be entered into the tournament, broken down into 4 regions, and seeded 1-8 in each region. Each region was given a category that its entrants had to belong: sports figures, famous people, TV characters, and movie characters. I could go into great detail how some were put into one category, but I will touch on any questionable ones as we go through the match-ups.
Hours were then spent deciding the final 64 to go into the tournament. Images were compared, biographies were pored over, and trimming habits were closely examined. While some may argue that there were no true criteria for selection, an entry had to have had a defining career or moment that was epitomized, stimulated, or even made possible through the mo. Similar to so much else in life, there is no true definition of greatness, you just know it when you see it.
Before going into the selections, we would like to honor some of the bubble Mo’s to miss the cut. Mario of “Super Mario Bros.” fame lost out when the video game conference lost its automatic bid. Wooderson of “Dazed and Confused” was just “alright, alright, alright” and didn’t make the cut. It was also decided that our tournament had no place for evil dictators so Hitler and Saddam were shown the door. In the sports region, we had a very tough battle in which it was decided a play-in game was needed. Mike Ditka narrowed out Wade Boggs to earn the 64th and final position.
So without further ado, the selections by region and seeding order:
1. Rollie Fingers
2. Hulk Hogan
3. Goose Gossage
4. Larry Bird
5. Don Mattingly
6. Keith Hernandez
7. Dale Earnhardt Sr.
8. Mike Ditka (def. Wade Boggs in play-in)
People and Personalities:
1. Burt Reynolds
2. Salvadore Dali
3. Groucho Marx
4. Ron Jeremy (*representing the Porn mo conference)
5. Charlie Chaplin
7. Teddy Roosevelt
8. Albert Einstein
1. Ron Burgundy (Anchorman, *70’s mo conference)
2. Rhett Butler (Gone With The Wind)
3. Jules Winnfield (Pulp Fiction)
4. Doc Holliday (Tombstone, *Cowboy mo conference)
5. Bill “The Butcher” Cutting (Gangs of New York)
6. Capt. Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Carribean, *Pirates mo conference)
7. Vito Corleone (Godfather)
8. The Stranger (The Big Lebowski)
1. Magnum PI (Magnum PI)
2. Ron Swanson (Parks and Rec)
3. Walker (Texas Ranger, *Police mo conference)
4. Gomez Addams (Addams Family)
5. Ned Flanders (Simpson)
6. Gene Shalit (The Today Show)
7. Geraldo Rivera (*Douchy News personality mo conference)
8. Yosemite Sam (Looney Tunes)
Some quick notes
- Burt Reynolds made it as a person while Tom Selleck was put in as a TV Character for a couple of reasons. First, they were both seen as #1 seeds and needed to be put in different regions but more importantly, Tom Selleck is always Magnum, while everything Burt Reynolds ever did – he IS Burt Reynolds.
- Several people were selected from some of the top Mo conferences and have been noted a champion (*) of that conference. These conferences have automatic bids considering their long line of commitment to the Mo.
Come back tomorrow for the first 2 rounds and Thursday for the final rounds.